The Haircut in the Mirror

This morning I showered, dried, and looked in the mirror at my new haircut.

What a disaster.

This haircut will not heal in three days.  It will take at least two weeks.

Where did I go wrong?  Starting, I expect.

As said in sports, "Wait 'til next time."

The Haircut

This evening, after being in need of a haircut for several weeks, I did it myself.

For me, it is easy; get out the electric clippers; go over the whole head with the #6 standoff, then the sides and back with #5, then the very edges with #4; use the very short standoff to almost shave the top of my head; and then cut the sideburns level, and around the ears, with scissors.

The whole job takes about 12 minutes.  

The haircut looks all right, and those parts of it that don't look so good will look fine after three days.

The humbling, disappointing part of the procedure is cleaning up.  There is so little hair to sweep. 

Where has it gone?

Schroedinger's Cat

This is a very funny bumper sticker for physicists, quantum mathematicians, rocket scientists, and other indeterminate people.  Albert Einstein probably would not like it.

if I post it

and none one sees it

is it really there?

Glasses, What Glasses?

Three months ago I bought two new pairs of eyeglasses.  Of the two, one is my favorite.

Last evening, as I started out with the dogs for their evening duty run, I realized my favorites were on my face.  Not willing to risk losing them in the dark as I bend to do my pickup duty after the dogs have done their other duty, I took them off, leaned back through the door and put them on the chair just inside the door, making a serious mental note not to sit on them when dogs and I returned.

You know the rest.  Out of sight, out of mind.  Top of mind, never.  

Yes, I sat on them.  Mangled them.

my glasses rested
upon the chair
I sat on them
to my despair

So, in front of a mirror, with needle-nose pliers, the repairs took 20 minutes.

Now, if I tilt my head a little off center, the glasses look straight.

New Pay Scale for Congress

Public approval of Congress' performance is very low, still, at 16%, according to a new Washington Post-AP News poll.

I didn't realize it was that high.

Because of their very low rating, I suggest we pay our Senators and Representatives differently.

This should work: continue to give them their already bloated salaries, with these non-performance based reductions to salary:

• each salary reduced 1% for each unfilled judgeship or federal attorney position.
• each salary reduced 2% for each appointment needing Congressional approval not voted up or down within 30 days.
• 5% reduction for any Congressman/Congresswoman inserting an earmark into a bill.
• 5% reduction for any Congresswoman/Congressman for amendments to legislation that have nothing to do with the original bill.
• 2% reduction for any Congressman/Congresswoman for each negative re-election campaign comment, advertisement or media commercial
• 5% reduction for a Congresswoman/Congressman for each unfilled campaign promise
• 1% reduction for the number of staff members over 30.
• if the deduction exceeds 30%, disallow to the specific Congress member all payments for entertainment and travel.
• If the total deduction exceeds 70%, the Congress member will not be allowed to seek re-election.

I believe you see the direction of the new salary program.  If correctly written our Senators and Representatives will earn little or no pay, and perhaps will owe us money at the end of their term.  Very few will qualify to return to Congress, giving us a chance to elect a new bunch of losers.

Of course they could become "Congressional," and do something.

The Case of the Disappearing Handerchiefs

Some old people, including me, continue to use handkerchiefs.  Most people do not, but I always have, and probably always will.

The mystery of the disappearing handkerchiefs started when I noticed that I was low on handkerchiefs.  That happens from time to time because sometimes I use one for a rag, or one rips, or gets lost.  The latter is a minor mystery but not the topic of this post.

Noticing I needed more, I bought three.  A few weeks later the puzzle returned when I found I was very low again.

So, I bought six more, and counting them, found 11 total.  Within three weeks I discovered only five still circulated.  What is going on...?

A few days later, Cue, my chocolate lab, happened to throw up, on the patio fortunately for her.  Throwing up in the house is a serious no no, bad dog.  Examining this mess, from a distance, I detected a blue stripe in it.  Continuing the examination, from a distance, with a stick, I found the remains of one handkerchief, complete with blue stripe.  Continuing the examination from closer in, I detected another handkerchief, this one a complete white one.

Yuk.

Mystery solved!  Cue likes handkerchiefs and she pulls them from the laundry basket, and eats them.  What a dog!

Now I put dirty handkerchiefs in a stuff sack hanging high in my closet.  If I am careful not to leave one somewhere lower, I have no further problem.

But Cue, apparently still hungry, now pulls paper from the recycle bin and eats it.  Combo, my other dog, has started doing the same. 

What will be next?

An Amazing Result

I had an interesting accident on December 24^th.  Naturally, most people don't think of accidents as interesting. I didn't either, when it happened.

Now I do.

Specifically, I fell on my butt after slipping on ice. Even more specifically, the left cheek. Then I stood up, and did it again. Apparently I am sometimes a slow learner.

The falls did not hurt (well, my dignity hurt a little.) I was quick to look around to make sure no one saw them, and then, reassured of that, went on my way.

Now comes the interesting part.

I have had problems with my left hip and leg. After five cortisone shots in the back and hip, one MRI, several x-rays, and five doctors, the pain was diagnosed, finally correctly, as being referred pain from an arthritic sacroiliac joint. A last shot of cortisone calmed it down, and I slowly improved for over a year. But not all the pain disappeared, and my odd gait persisted.

On December 25, though, I realized that all the pain was gone from my left hip and thigh. On the 26^th I took a hard, fast walk for about an hour, striding out for the first time in several years, and nothing hurt. Today I went for the fourth hard walk, with no pain.

So, the accident of the 24^th has been moved from the “fall on ice” category to the “miraculous hip joint re-alignment procedure” category.

Whatever happened on either the first or second left cheek event, or perhaps cumulatively from each, straightened me out. The odd gait I mentioned is gone. I take long steps again.

Absolutely amazing.

It's the best news for me in years, and even better, there is no medical cost. (No one saw me, so no dignity cost either.)

Medicare will love this.

Simplifying

It is a long story.

Some of the stitching in one of my new slippers started unraveling.  So I decided to restitch it.  Seems simple, doesn't it?

Well....  I looked in my "stuff" drawer for needle and thread.  The drawer was such a mess, I could not find what I needed.

Because I am moving out of this rented condo late in the summer I decided, some time ago, to start simplifying life, weeding out the unused and possibly even unwanted possessions.  So, the "stuff" drawer seemed like a good place to start.

About an hour later I had found 17 lip balm sticks, cans or jars.  Three watches and one half of a watch band (just in case I needed it.)  Five lens cleaning cloths, ten spools of thread, two sewing kits, seven Chums/Croakies eyeglass holders, about ten shoe and boot laces, a lanyard, easily a hundred safety pins of assorted sizes and two dozen assorted buttons.  See below for some of the cache.

The odd thing about all this is that I don't wear a watch, have not sewn anything for at least three years, can't possibly use more than one or two lip thingies, and certainly don't need all three watches and half a watch band.  I will not even comment about the safety pins and buttons.

After removing most of the above, the "stuff" drawer looks great.  Except for one spool of thread, two lip balms thingies, two watches (why?), one sewing kit and various other things, it is practically empty.

Next will be my sock drawer.  What treasures could possibly await me?  I know my ten-year-old GPS is there, and my two-way radio (unused since I moved to Colorado six plus years ago, is there.  Also the small transistor radio I bought in Arizona in case of a long-term power failure (as in nuclear attack.) Are all radios now transistor radios?  Socks too.

Does anyone want a lip balm thingie?  Or a watch?  Spools of thread?  Half a watch band?

Oh, by the way, I finally did stitch up my slipper.  It looks odd, of course, but is staying stitched.